Cookin Mama

Cookin Mama

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Monday, January 20, 2014

Recipe for Adoption

I wish it was that simple.  A one page recipe for how, if, why, when, and what to adopt.

The idea started because of a friend...and a little girl's big eyes staring at us from a world away.  Not to mention our little girl's eyes as she begged and begged again to "be a big sister." 

We are not pregnant.  We are not officially signed up (yet) to adopt.  We are doing a lot of thinking, praying, researching, and talking.  Our preliminary application was approved, meaning we can move forward...and now comes that thinking and praying.  And fear.  Oh so much fear.  I cannot even begin to list all of them, but here are some of the biggies:

Can we afford it?  It cost SO. MUCH. to adopt.  Especially if you're thinking of adopting a child from another country.  We would have to take a loan, fund-raise, look into grants...and that is just to bring the child home...what about after?

What about the one we know about in another country?  Are we eligible? Will our agency work with hers?

What about HIV? Can we overcome stigmas in this country?  Can we even handle it?  What about our daughter?  We're both educated, smart people...but it still scares the dickens out of us with respect to our little love.  Does that make us bad people if we say "no special needs, no HIV?"

Can my heart take it?  We've already sat and cried over information and pictures...and we haven't made any decisions.

There's no recipe for a happy family.  I can't look into an ingredients list and see if we should stay 1 Mom, 1 Dad, and 1 Child.  I know we are happy now.  I am so proud of what we have accomplished together.  Now we have some thinking to do about what we're presently cooking up in our minds.  If you have some thoughts you would like to share on adoption, I would be happy to hear them.

3 comments:

Bryden78 said...

I have had some of these exact thoughts. Thad's dad is his adoptive dad and eventually Thad will be Adria's adoptive dad. We've talked about adopting a child. I am unable to have more biological childrenpso it would be our only other option besides surrogacy, but then do we bring our crappy bones into the mix?! It's so hard. But I know that no matter the decision you guys will be amazing parents.
Yes, you can overcome special needs but saying no does not make you a bad person. It is 100% yours and Mark's decision.
Love you

annette said...

I have been having all of these same thoughts myself. I would love to adopt - always have desired to adopt - but especially since I can't have any more of my own. I am adopted & it's the most wonderful feeling in the world to know that I was truly wanted, not just dealt with because I happened. For me, money is not an issue because money does not provide love & support. I have a large family & would love so much to share that family, love, joy & stability to a child who otherwise won't have it. For me, my only hold up is the fact that my boyfriend of 4.5 yrs doesn't think he wants to "start over" at our age of 39 yrs. My youngest is only 5 so I don't see a difference & not one big enough to deny a child a wonderful life full of love & normalcy.--- But that's just me. Good luck in your decisions. I think it's wonderful that you are even considering adopting. <3

Cookin' Mama said...

Thank you Annette! Money is an issue only because we do not have $30-$40,000 laying around to fund the adoption. Our worry centers on financing an adoption, but still being able to afford life. For example, our heating unit is hanging on by a thread. If that goes, and we've depleted the stores, how do we keep our children warm? We do not need lots of money to be happy, true, but we have to be practical.